Welcome back to the wonderful world of white wine tears, roses, grammatical incorrectness and two-month journeys toward engagement. That’s right, “The Bachelor” has returned — this time with Chris Soules, the all-American, corn-loving #PrinceFarming at its helm. This season, we’ll be recapping the highlights of each episode.
10 Things We Learned From Prince Farming’s Journey This Week
1. True love is pretending to like camping. “The lake is my favorite place in the world,” declares Mackenzie as the first round of women arrive on their lake day/camping night group date. Nothing is more fun than having a dude throw you into nature-filled situations just to “see how you react.”
2. “This is stupid.” Kelsey’s running salty diatribe perfectly describes the excruciating pain of watching this season of “The Bachelor.” “My face is getting skinnier from fake smiling… trying to enjoy this hellhole,” she says.
3. It’s best to be explicit when trying to tell someone that you’re a virgin. Especially when that person is as slow as Chris. “I’m inexperienced in every possible way,” says Ashley I., later telling the producers that “his face seemed to me that he got it.” “I don’t get it,” says Chris to the camera. (Side note: If, like Ashley I., a staged camping trip on a reality TV show is the “craziest night of your life,” you’re doing it wrong.)
4. Not everyone who lives in Iowa has a regulation Kate Gosselin haircut. Let two out of three of Chris’ sisters, who show up to pick one lucky lady to go on this week’s one-on-one date, serve as proof. They end up picking Jade (who?), and she tears up because she’s finally being recognized.
5. Grown women probably shouldn’t describe themselves as Disney princesses. Hell hath no fury like an Ashley I. who feels she deserves the Cinderella date (not-at-all subtly sponsored by the new Disney movie of the same name!) bestowed upon Jade. Ashley I.’s element is being a princess, guys. Life is sooooo not fair.
6. Farmer Chris might be the most boring man on earth. I can’t even pretend to care when he reveals he’s been engaged before on his date with Jade. Or when they dance. Or when he gives her the rose promising not to overlook her anymore. Zzzzzzzzzzz…
7. There is a girl named Nikki on this show. Who knew?
8. Balls flying at your face won’t ruin your social life. But they might derail your chances of winning an obstacle course MuckFest race and getting some glam one-on-one time with Chris. Jillian’s badass athletic skills finally get put to use and she beats the other women on this muddy group date by leaps and bounds.
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