Mark Garren does not take communion when he goes to church. Sometimes he walks up to the priest, crosses his arms over his chest and touches his shoulders to signal that he is seeking a blessing. More often, mindful of his divorce years ago, Mr. Garren, a 64-year-old Illinoisan, remains in his pew, watching with slight embarrassment as the rest of the row moves to the front of the church.
Pamela Crawford, 46, of Virginia, is having none of that. Twice divorced, she, too, feels judged by her church, but when she does go to Mass, she walks up with the rest of the congregation. “If God has a problem with me taking communion, we’ll sort it out,” she said.
Facing millions of divorced Catholics around the world, many of whom express frustration over their status in the church, the Vatican has begun a remarkable re-examination of the church’s treatment of worshipers whose marriages have broken apart.
Pope Francis, who plans to make his first trip to the United States in September to attend a conference on families, has acknowledged the concerns of divorced Catholics. He has set in motion a high-level debate about whether and how the church could change its posture toward them without altering a doctrine that declares marriage to be permanent and indissoluble.
A synod of Roman Catholic bishops met in Rome this fall to begin a broad discussion of the church’s teachings on the family, including those governing divorce. The New York Times asked readers if, and how, the church’s rules on divorce had affected them. Here is a selection of their stories.
The battle lines are clear: Some high-level church officials, most notably the conference of German bishops, want the church to relax its rules so that divorced Catholics can more fully return to church life, particularly by receiving communion, even if they have remarried. Traditionalists are pushing back fiercely, arguing that the indissolubility of marriage is ordained by God and therefore nonnegotiable.
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“Despite the fact that going through an annulment certainly brings up painful memories, can take a long time and can sometimes seem unfair — I would not want the church to lower the bar or standards for annulment,” said Leah Campos, 42, of Arlington, Va., who is trying to annul her marriage. “I still respect the sacrament of matrimony and the church’s desire to keep it sacred against the will of our coarsened culture.”
Still, for many, the church makes too many demands for re-entry to church life. It is often as if there are only two options, many Catholics said: Be dishonest or depart.
Some Catholics said they did not want to annul their marriages because of how it might look or feel for their children — although in the eyes of the church, an annulment has no implications for the legitimacy of children. Others said their divorces had been so contentious that they did not want to take part in a process in which the church asked them to share information about their romantic or emotional lives or sought to contact their former spouses.
“I was married — I entered into it with the right ideas, and to say different would be a lie,” said Carol Trankle, 72, of Rapid City, S.D., who stopped going to church 40 years ago.
“I consider myself a Catholic to this day,” she said. “I just can’t participate.”
A version of this article appears in print on January 25, 2015, on page A1 of the New York edition with the headline: As Vatican Revisits Divorce, Faithful Long for Acceptance. Order Reprints| Today’s Paper|Subscribe
