Watching “Fifty Shades of Grey” in a massive theater surrounded by 100-plus New York media types was An Experience.
There was some titillation, a moderate amount of cringing and a surprising number of moments that elicited genuine laughter. In spite all of the warranted critique of the film’s theme, the terribly-written source material and its disappointingly male-gazey execution, “Fifty Shades” is actually pretty damn fun to watch.
More than anything, the film left us with quite a few burning questions (very few of which have anything to do with sex):
1. Why does Jamie Dornan look so bored the whole time?
2. Are pencils always phallic?
3. Is it really appropriate for a journalism student to make her roommate do an interview for her?
4. Couldn’t Ana’s roommate have just done a phone interview? Or Skyped?
5. Why do people keep taking Ana’s food?
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43. Where did Christian learn to fishtail braid?
44. Which is a better arm workout: Blowdrying your hair or being cuffed to the ceiling?
45. Can being stroked with a riding crop really make someone cum?
46. Are we really supposed to believe that BDSM is only for people who have tragic backstories? Because that’s bullsh*t.
47. Can Beyoncé sing in the background every time we have sex from now on?
48. But, actually, where can we purchase the “Fifty Shades” soundtrack?
49. Just how awkward was it to film this movie?
50. And most importantly… Will Ana actually eat solid FOOD in the sequel?
