Katherine, 25, grew up in a conservative Pennsylvania town and went to schools where the only sex education was abstinence-based. Her parents didn’t raise her with any strict views on sex before marriage, or with the sense that it was a bad thing. Instead, sex simply wasn’t discussed in her family — ever. Despite her upbringing, Katherine grew into a self-described progressive, extremely liberal and sex-positive woman.
A liberal, sex-positive woman who didn’t lose her virginity until she was 24 years old.
In high school, Katherine, who asked to be identified with a pseudonym, was shy and didn’t get much attention from boys. She had her first kiss during her freshman year of college and later had a few “intense make-out sessions,” some of which included oral sex, but generally felt herself lagging behind her peers sexually. Then last year, fueled by alcohol, Katherine kissed a close male friend. She wasn’t necessarily interested in him romantically, but they had good chemistry and spent the subsequent week talking about what it might mean for them to have sex. Katherine was open about her history, and he knew she was a virgin. She felt comfortable with him and thought, If not now, when?
“I got to the point where it felt like if I didn’t take this particular opportunity, it was like, ‘What am I waiting for?’” Katherine said.
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With each step they take together sexually, Nacole feels a mix of happiness — she’s glad she waited for him and that she feels mature enough to give herself fully to the experience — and goofy nerves.
“Every time something happens that goes to that next level physically, I lose it, freak out, then get all anxious and excited and laugh,” she said. “Thankfully, he thinks that’s really endearing.”
Nacole wants to sleep with her boyfriend, but at this point in her life, she feels no sense of urgency — for the most part.
“Wanting to do this ‘right’ and not make a mistake at the last yard line now feels important to me,” she said. “That’s probably 70 percent of me. Then there’s the 30 percent that is like, ‘This is not a big deal, you’re just one person in a world of a billion, no one cares. It’s fine, just do it and get it over with. Join the club.’”
