How to party like a conservative

Would I try my luck with “The Fiorina Freedom” or “The Captain Carson”? Perhaps “Rubio’s Thirst Quencher” or “Rand’s Liquid Liberty”?

READ: Can conservatives come together?

I handed the menu to the bartender.

So she would support Perry as the presidential nominee?

“I hope the best person for our party wins the nomination,” she said, proving that even a stiff drink can’t knock a skilled politico off carefully chosen talking points.

At last, it was time to announce the results. After a long night of strategic drinking, Jeb Bush’s Vodka and Orange Juice had won the night. It just goes to show that the Bush name still resonates with conservatives, so long as they’ve had enough to drink.