Three girls, who looked no more than 14 or 15, were in their bathing suits, taking turns striking the most seductive poses possible, pushing up whatever breasts they had, while one of them snapped a photo on her phone.
My husband and I looked at each other and knew that photo was probably just posted to Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, name your social network.
I thought of that scene after a blog post went viral last week by a mom of teenage boys, who said she would block any sexy “selfie” photos girls sent to her sons. What sent the blogosphere into overdrive wasn’t necessarily that she was going to block the girls who post these photos; it was the apparent blame she seemed to place on the girls in sexualizing her sons.
“I know your family would not be thrilled at the thought of my teenage boys seeing you only in your towel,” wrote Kim Hall, who is a director of a women’s ministry in Austin, Texas, on her blog, Given Breath. “Did you know that once a male sees you in a state of undress, he can’t quickly un-see it? You don’t want our boys to only think of you in this sexual way, do you?”
Before the comments come pouring in, I want to make it clear that I didn’t think of the story of the teens on the beach because I support Kim Hall’s position. I thought of it because of the double standard, which this controversy seems to demonstrate, in how we view what girls and boys do online.
Would I have cared — or worried — or paid much attention to a group of 14- and 15-year-old boys posing in their bathing suit bottoms for all the world to see? Probably not. And that speaks to how we’re socialized to place the onus on girls to police sexuality while giving boys free rein. (Ironically, Hall’s original post included photos of her sons flexing in their bathing suits. She has since updated the post with more family-friendly photos of her boys and has declined to talk to CNN.)
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And as for boys, Hartstein says they are “bombarded” with the same images, leading them to think it’s perfectly fine to view girls solely based on their outward appearance.
“Young men need to be taught that respect is the primary thing to consider when seeing a young woman,” said Hartstein. “It’s important to try to teach boys, from an early age, that girls are more than the clothes they wear and to help boys see the person underneath.”
I hope Mrs. Hall’s sons, and those girls on the beach, are listening.
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