But when does a theme park ride stop being scarily fun and start being just plain scary?
We’re talking about the rides on which the fear turns into the kind of pure psychological terror that only weeks of counseling — or a night of martinis — can resolve.
The rides on which it’s not just breakfast that flashes before your eyes, but your entire life (plus some diced carrots that you have no recollection of eating).
These are the scariest theme park rides on Earth.
Thankfully, we don’t have to try them, because Stefan Zwanzger, aka the globetrotting Theme Park Guy, already has.
And lived to tell the tale.
The rusty roller coasters of Pyongyang (North Korea)
Just when life in a totalitarian state couldn’t get any more terrifying, North Korea unleashes some creaking fairground rides on its unsuspecting citizenry.
To be fair, the Kaeson Youth Park is a rare attempt to sprinkle genuine joy on the gray Stalinist cityscape of Pyongyang.
The fear here, says Zwanzger, is an emotional response in no way soothed by geopolitics.
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The Cannonball Loop (United States, closed)
Like many unnecessary things assembled in the 1980s — among them the Cadillac Cimarron and mid-career films of Sylvester Stallone — the Cannonball Loop must’ve seemed like a good idea at the time.
Looking back, however, it’s hard not to view it as the work of an unhinged mind.
The Cannonball was a giant water tube that sent riders sliding through a full 360-degree loop. (See it in action in this YouTube video at 8.19: http://youtu.be/vDHqfhyCbbM)
It enjoyed a brief life in the summer of 1985 at the now-defunct Action Park in Vernon, New Jersey, before being shut down in 1996, reportedly after a series of accidents.
“I’ve been to almost 300 theme and water parks now, but this is by far the scariest thing I’ve ever seen,” says Zwanzger.
“Looking at it, it’s just so obvious that if you have one wrong move, you’re going to experience a lot of pain or get trapped inside.
“I can’t believe this was actually built in the United States, the country where you can be sued by anyone for just about anything.”
Zwanzger’s fear-free alternative: Liwa loop at Yas Waterworld (Yas Island, Qatar; +971 2 414 2000)
